Wintertime

There is something romantic about the idea of winter. Beautiful crisp days, the sun reflected off of the white of the snow. Evenings sat by the fire cozy in your pullover and socks. Enjoying a wonderful casserole or stew, proper comfort food.

In reality winter round here is mainly just plain grey. Sometimes it is cold and you get dressed up in your scarf, hat and boots. Then a few hours later the temperature is pushing 15c. Maybe it is raining and you reach for your brolly, only to find the wind has blown up and your umbrella blows inside out. Rarely it snows, looks beautiful but is cold, wet and difficult to get about in. The snow freezes over night and you find yourself skating about in your regular shoes or boots. The car windscreen frozen. The trains delayed due to snow and ice.

This has been the weather here over the past couple of weeks. Snow, frost, greyness, rain, wind. Cold, mild, cold again, mild and so on. This is why I hate winter. The only thing that you can predict is that it won’t be light until 8am and low and behold it is dark by 4pm. In between anything can happen. Often it does.

I hate the short days. The way the central heating dries out your skin. I love to sit by a fire (not that I have one). But if you sit too close you are too hot and too far away too cold. I hate the lack of energy I have at this time of year. I hate the way that bed feels like a lovely warm place to sleep, but not much else. I long for summer and now the equinox has passed will be looking for signs of longer days. Of spring flowers and of a sign of new life.

Winter sounds fine in theory, but the reality is something else.

A snowy evening in Amsterdam. Looks pretty but cold, wet and treacherous to navigate.

Review of 2017 and Recommendations for 2018 (part 2)

Yesterday I posted part one of this review for Wicked Wednesday and linked to a number of the bloggers and sites that have helped and influenced me this year. Today, part 2.

July

The creativity I managed to find for blogging this month was double that of last. Sadly this is not saying very much as there were just 4 posts. On 10th I expressed some of the reasons for the drought (holiday, work and meme overload). If I have learned one thing this year, it is not to over think and force the issue. The blog won’t disappear (even if readers do) and quality really is much more important than quantity.

Sinful Sunday has been a constant and Master is now involved in the photos, both as photographer and subject. This post might be one of my favourites so far and I am proud to have been named amongst the top 5 participants for this shot. The joy of mirrors!

August

During much of the first half of the year our sex life and M/s relationship was dormant. The two are inextricably linked, as although we are always Master and slave it is most evident in the bedroom. Master’s shoulder problems, evident last year re-emerged. And at the same time we both found our libido low. As I emerge from the menopause I am struggling to find my sexual mojo. My body looks and feels different and I often feel tired.   On 6th August, my 55th birthday I posted of a change to that situation. Another Sinful Sunday on 27th demonstrated the measures Master has taken to help us overcome our difficulties. The sex swing in action!

September

Another first, when we attended a Clothed Male, naked female event. I wrote about my feelings about being naked in a venue of other naked women and clothed Men. This was really my first experience of D/s protocol of this kind. Sadly I wasn’t well that day and so we couldn’t play. But it was an amazing experience. I met new people as well as meeting up with  some that we do know. Perhaps then a good opportunity to mention Sub Bee (who was also at the event and is a regular). We first met at a local munch and while I don’t know Bee and her partner well we also met at Eroticon. If you are not familiar with Sub Bee’s blog you should take a look. She writes candidly about her relationship, bisexuality and other topics as well as posting some fantastic images.

October

Elust features the best of sex blogging and is published each month by Molly.  Bloggers and writers are invited to submit the best of their material which is then peer reviewed by an army of willing volunteers. While there are winners, there are no losers as everyone that submits a valid entry is published. Everyone then republishes, which means that it can reach far and wide within the kink community. My own blogging drought this year means I haven’t submitted many posts, but in October I did  – to Elust 99.

The feature photo is from Exhibit Unadorned and features a bunch of bloggers having fun. This gives me the opportunity to mention his Exhibit A blog as well as that of his wife The Other Livvy. Both blogs are worth a visit, but be warned they are excellent and talented writers and photographers. So you may be there for sometime! They are newlyweds and seem like amazingly fun people. I saw them at Eroticon but we didn’t speak. I hope this will change next year.

November

There has been many a time over the past few years, when short of inspiration, I have turned to TMI Tuesday. Usually this involves a few questions on a sexy or kinky topic to write as little or as much as you feel able. On 7th November though, there was something different. We were given the words: Dragging, Kitchen, Bedroom, Sofa, Albert Einstein, Closer, Eggbeater, Olive oil, Eight and Rain and asked to create a story. There is very little fiction on my blog. It takes more head space than I can usually muster. But for once I embraced the challenge rather than moving on. I am quite proud of this post and need to do more.

Increasingly mainstream social and other media as well as government seems to be trying to reduce freedom of expression. Especially in the sex writing and blogging community. Using the protection of minors as an excuse they are attempting to gag and blog the things we say and show. On 18th November I took part in my first Share our Shit Saturday. In 2018 I intend to focus much more on doing just that!

December

Earlier in December we attended a febsub event at the same club that the CMnf one is held. Held on 3rd, it helped me get into an early Christmassy mood. The theme was pantomime, but since I have always wanted a santa type costume I chose the latter. I was very pleased with the result, as was Master and many others.

I mentioned in part 1 that Master had a new bathroom installed this year. The jacuzzi bath has been an amazing and wonderful source of late night relaxation and enjoyment. Something I highly recommend!

In some ways this has been a lean blogging year for me. But I am proud that I have kept going. Have posed every month and have kept true to myself and our relationship. There are lots of challenges ahead for us as a couple (more of that to come in the next few days). But also many opportunities for me as a blogger.

Review of 2017 and recommendations for 2018 (part 1)

So the end of the year is nigh. For me, this year has been a little bit strange. I started with hope and expectation and end, well with hope and expectation. Meanwhile I have travelled to new places, enjoyed new and very different experiences. But in many ways life remains the same. Perhaps 2018 then?

January

On January 1st I posted my predictions for the year ahead. I truly believed that this year I would sell the house and move in with Master. But mum deciding to move closer to my brother plus my ex’s parter wanting to buy my share of ours changed that. We have travelled to new places – Brussels, Toulouse and Alsace – Lorraine. But as for living together, hopefully next year.

February

On Feb 18th I shared the move to my own domain on Sinful Sunday. I completely underestimated the amount of work involved in a self hosted blog. But to be honest it has been worth it. I have a freedom here that I never experienced before. It is easier to manage than blogger and the move has helped me to express that freedom. Sinful Sunday is a wonderful meme run and hosted by Molly Moore on her blog Molly’s Daily Kiss. Within hours of my move, Molly’s husband Michael, web master extraordinaire  had identified some security issues on the blog (due to my naive ineptitude in the main) and helped me fix them. Sadly Michael doesn’t write very much these days, but when he does, the posts are well worth a read. Passionate, deeply sexy, serious or fun as the need arises.

March

On 6th March I shared my thoughts on our Eroticon experience. For the first time we had mixed with other kinky people. The weekend organised by Molly, Michael and Girl on the Net was almost overwhelming. We met new people, but found it difficult to interact with strangers. I learnt so much about writing and blogging, but have been almost too scared to put that learning into practice. But it was a real learning experience and this coming March I think we will take advantage of the experience so much more. I met many of the bloggers I admire at Eroticon but sadly didn’t speak to all of those I should have. For example Jerusalem Mortimer and Silver Dom

April

At the very end of March it was Master’s birthday. He decided to celebrate by taking us to the Secret Dungeon. In April I joined the Blogging A-Z challenge and introduced photos from the dungeon on 1st. Then described more of the environment and experience on 5th  – D for dungeon. To be honest it was an important time for us both. We were able to explore our kink in a way we hadn’t for a very long time. We created memories that have lived with us and what is more, it made us want to return for more. I am not sure if the a-z Challenge will run again in 2018, or if I will participate. But this year I had no shortage of material!

May

One of the things that might put me off of joining a whole month’s challenge such as Blogging A-Z or February Photofest is the potential for running out of steam. By May it was clear this was happening. On 6th May I posted ‘One of those update posts‘. It gave an indication of what was to come. I struggled with ideas and creativity, added to the pressure of normal life. A blogging drought. However May was also the month when Master’s new bathroom was installed, complete with jacuzzi bath! More of that in part 2.

In May too though I had the opportunity to provide the roundup and judge Wicked Wednesday for the first time. This for me was something of a learning experience. Marie Rebelle from Rebel’s Notes has had a difficult year. Coping with the distressing loss of her mum as well as the trauma of a flood in her home. I wasn’t able to meet her at Eroticon as sadly she was unable to travel to London while her mum was unwell. I so admire the work she puts into all elements of her blog, including Wicked Wednesday.  She has launched Smut Marathon, a writing competition, which starts in January.  Taking on the round up of Wicked Wednesday gave me a tiny insight into the lives of bloggers such as Marie and others who give so much to this community. But also it makes me want to contribute too.

June

In June I posted only twice. In my defence, we were on holiday in Alsace – Lorraine in France for 2 weeks of June. But to be honest I was a little out of ideas and had lost my blogging mojo. Reflections, for Sinful Sunday was an easily captured pair of photos. Perhaps though by looking deeper than the mirror and the person reflected within you consider more about the blogger. Why is she doing this? What is she trying to say? More of that in part 2. Tomorrow.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Afterwards

This week has been rather more frantic than I would have liked. Work, last minute presents, then wrapping. Food buying – as usual more than can be easily stored in the cupboards and fridge. Packing for mum’s move has started, and will be a major part of my life for the next few weeks.  She is now staying with us for a couple of nights. But before I collected her this afternoon, there was a lazy morning.

Finally, time to unwind and enjoy time for us. Christmas at last. This morning we had a little fun, a little kink and plenty of sex. The photo is of afterwards.

Sinful Sunday

Through the window

Through the window on our last morning in Amsterdam I can see the melting snow. The cold, wet, white substance that had prolonged our visit was all but gone. A beautiful, sunny start to the day beckoned. Morning rush hour traffic, people hurrying to the station to my left. I wonder if anyone took the time to look upwards. If anyone saw the naked woman standing in view, through the window.

Sinful Sunday

 

Christmas Meme

I got this from Fondles, and various others:
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
A rather lovely Siciliane Pinot Grigio. Yes, that is a wine. Blame the rubbish formatting of this post on the wine!
2. Where was your profile picture taken?
In my bedroom. I love the colour of that feature wall!
3. Worst pain?
Childbirth, it is really quite painful.
4. Favorite place you’ve traveled?
Ever – Northern California. With Master it would have to be Andalusia in Spain.
5. How late did you stay up last night?
About midnight. I didn’t sleep well and it would be nice to think that an earlier night would have brought more sleep. But probably it wouldn’t

6. If you could, would you move?
I hope to finally move in with Master next year. But if I could I think I would like to live (with him of course) in France or Spain. The way of life, the longer days and summers and the opportunity to more easily escape our politics.

7. Favorite toy as a child?
I loved things that you could make and do. One Christmas I got some kind of collage making set which I loved. I carried this through with my son. He loved the idea and I did the artistic doing. I miss all of that, but well hopefully some day there will be grandchildren.

8. Favorite TV show as a kid?
Partridge Family (David Cassidy). Plus the wonderful cartoons we were allowed to enjoy then such as Tom and Jerry.
9. How do you feel right now?
Fuzzy around the edges
10. When was the last time you cried?
I don’t cry easily. A recent film brought a tear to my eye. But to be truthful when my dad died 3 years ago really made me cry. A lot.
11. Who took your profile picture?
Me

12. Who is the last person you took a picture with?
Today with my slimming club friends. Christmas Jumper day.

13. What’s your favorite season?
Summer. But early summer when we can shed the sweaters and wear thinner clothes. Those rare days when you go from jeans to shorts in hours.

14. If you could have any career, what would you pick?
I would still choose nursing, but with the benefit of hindsight I would play things differently and not let myself burn out.

15. Do you think relationships are worth it?
Definitely. Just find the right one!

16. If you could talk to ANYONE right now who would it be?
My dad. I would love it if he could see how happy I am and to have him meet and chat to Master.

17. Are you a good influence?
Of course!

18. Does pineapple belong on pizza?
NO!!!

19. You have the remote, what are you watching right now?
Yes, but we have switched off.

20. Who do you think will play along?
Unlikely.

Spit into my mouth

These are words I never expected to hear from a lover, let alone to find them any way sexy. But when he says ‘spit into my mouth’, I do. Perhaps it is because it feels kinky, not something the average person would consider. Indeed spitting into each others mouths isn’t something we do on a daily basis. Rather it is something that happens at the height of passion, or after a play session. When he is feeling his dominance over me the most.

Thinking back to that first time I am not really sure what I thought. I remember hesitating as he told me to spit into his mouth. But being in the first flushes of a new power exchange relationship I was trying out a number of new things. I would have expected to find the idea disgusting, but for some reason I didn’t. Even when he spat into my mouth I wasn’t fazed.

This is not a kink I especially share with him. But at the same time I am not revolted by it. Master on the other hand treats it as another way of exercising his dominance over me. It is a form of degradation, a way of demonstrating I am his submissive. It is an act that takes place in private and I am happy to comply with his wishes. However, I am never likely to say those words first.

 

Blue

I’m feeling a little bit down. We had an amazing weekend in Amsterdam, catching up with our friend. But, because of the snow here and in the UK we are stranded for a third night. After booking out of our lovely hotel this morning we spent some time in the Rijksmuseum 

While we got out fill of culture, outside there was something of a whiteout. Checking the airport website we were reassured that while many flights were cancelled, ours was going ahead. The first sign of trouble came as we went to the gate for boarding. The flight was delayed for an hour. We had been lounging; eating and drinking since arriving at the airport. So suddenly there was a shopping opportunity. Finally another hour later we boarded. The captain told us that we would be delayed another hour as the plane had to be defrosted!. 90 minutes later the flight was cancelled.

The up side is we have a bed for the night in a basic but comfortable hotel. The downside is that we don’t have a flight date or time. I should be at work tomorrow, but obviously won’t be there. While I feel a little blue I have some lovely memories of the weekend to look back on.

Blue

So to Sinful Sunday. We picked up a bath bomb in Lush yesterday. So after a long day of walking, dinner with our friend in Master’s favourite restaurant and time in a jazz club. We got back to the hotel and enjoyed this:

 

Sinful Sunday

Who am I?

A couple of posts that caught my eye this week cover the theme of using pseudonyms to blog. The first by Girl on the Net was about the extent to which your online persona is different from the real you. GOTN even describes herself as sometimes hating her online self. Real life is so much less exciting that the edited one you can create for others. More and better sex and someone who has all the answers. Plus, GOTN is a brand, for good or bad. Something she can’t quite escape, even if she wanted to.

The second was from Kayla Lord’s Smutlancer blog. Yesterday was the first time I visited that site and I found it full of useful ideas for the budding online writer. In the article – Do you need a pen name as a sex writer – she talks about creating an online persona. Finding the right name, making it sound real (or being GOTN for example). The post also covers the challenge of keeping your blog self separate from the real you – physically and emotionally. Social media has a habit of linking your online self to your real self if you let it. This is bad enough when work and home life comes together. But if you blog about sex and have a responsible job to lose and family who wouldn’t understand or approve separation is important.

So who am I?

I am not particularly creative, certainly when it comes to creating a fantastic pseudonym. My real name is Julie and I am Julie here. I am MPB because Master called  me that and it seemed like an appropriate name for a sex blogger. But if I were to write a book (unlikely I know), I could hardly use Master’s Pleasing Bitch as the author’s name. It seems a bit late to come up with a proper sex blog, author name now. Maybe the name isn’t so important, MPB is relatively catchy and those who know me (online or in reality) call me Julie.

But to what extent is the online Julie, MPB really me? At the beginning of the blog, I was starting a journey into a new life, I wrote about a different side to me. One I struggled to understand, but l knew I enjoyed. I wrote candidly about coming clean to my husband and the emotions that brought with it. During the months from November 2012 when I confessed, my blog self mirrored the real person. I struggled to cope with the emotions associated with infidelity, a shocked and devastated husband and knowing what to do about the mess I was in. When my relationship with Master started and I discovered my submissive self properly, I again wrote about my emotions. This blog was a place where I could come speak candidly in a way that I couldn’t anywhere in real life.

Almost 4 years have passed since then, and unsurprisingly our relationship is settled and routine. We have our sexy moments and I write about those. I rarely describe the emotional aspects of life, because I can discuss them in real time with him. While I show more of myself here than many do, I still seek to keep my online persona separate to the one my family and work colleagues know. It would be easier if I didn’t feel the need to do that.

What does that mean for my blog?

Increasingly I have come to rely on prompts from memes to help me decide what to write about. These are great in giving ideas and the topics are usually such that the scope for creativity is wide. I am trying to read more widely around the sex blogging and writing community and again this helps with material (such as with this post).

But I think it is time to try to be more creative. It is time to write more posts based on me, my thoughts and feelings but that push the boundaries of who MPB is.  This requires time and effort, something that I am willing and able to give. Over the winter I would like to try to create 1 or 2 posts a week. Ones that are either fiction, are about more serious topics within the kink world or make me think about myself. It would be so good if one day I could look at my blog and worry that MPB was just too exciting. And that I, Julie had a love hate relationship with her creativity and smugness.