What is necessary?

In the first few days after I moved my blog to this new place I made a few schoolboy errors.  One of these was to accidentally delete all categories and tags I had dragged through. I guess that I could have resent all of the posts, but I decided not to. In all honesty I underestimated the sheer volume of work involved in reviewing nearly 5 years of posts. It was with enthusiasm that I embarked on the task, after all this is about my journey. But I reckoned without the emotional journey that it would send me upon.

I started by working back, but unfortunately during January and February I was experiencing a quiet blogging period. Except of course for February Photofest. So I tried going back to the beginning and in doing so, discovered a forgotten past. Indeed it was a past where, in an attempt to discover the submission I needed I allowed emotion to overtake good sense. As the weeks and months went on, back in 2012 I immersed myself into an alternative reality. One where I struggled with my marriage, while embarking on a relationship with a man who wasn’t what he seemed.

Frustration made me return to the end and work backwards. So far I have reached page 28 or 39, just before I met Master, a journey of 3 years. Journeying through times of love, travel and kink. Through the awful period when my dad was ill and subsequently died. Through too difficult experiences with my mum, her moods, illnesses and our relationship.

All that time my marriage has been drawing to its natural conclusion, a time much more protracted than should be the case. The number of times where I plan to tell him to get lost and that the house will be sold are too numerous to mention.

I have a plan to progress at speed. to label anything involving previous relationships as such. Some of that stuff I may never revisit again.

But just maybe this process has been useful, necessary. Perhaps it has helped me to see just how far I have travelled and how close I am to my goal.

Perhaps this was a necessary task.

I have a few days off. I am spending that time finishing off the decluttering and general preparation for the sale.

 

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About Julie

50 something woman, exploring life and enjoying new adventures. This website is a record of a journey from vanilla wife and mother through two new relationships. This woman is now a collared slave called MPB and is owned and controlled by her Master. A mixture of true events and memes it is often of a sexual nature and is not safe to view at work. Next things to try will be fiction. Watch this space.
This entry was posted in Life, Relationships, Wicked Wednesday and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to What is necessary?

  1. Rebecca says:

    I wonder whether it was cathartic or painful, sometimes we need to reflect to see how far we have come, whether life has changed or not, it is often painful but often a relief when we see how we have come through x

  2. Julie says:

    It has been both to be honest, but perhaps necessary. Having said that, the level of procrastination has been alarming.

  3. The difficulty of walking away is a necessary one I think, forced to be so by our brain, which fears the unknown subconsciously and consciously. Things drag on needlessly while we worry and ponder and real life takes its toll. Meanwhile during the interim where you’re scared or stuck or just feel like your treading water, it is all preparation for the needed tasks that are ahead. And success comes as necessary.

  4. Julie says:

    Wise words indeed, thanks.

  5. SilverDom says:

    Wishing you well on your journey. 🙂

  6. What a task, to work through 5 years of posts, but it’s wonderful that when reading those old posts, you see how far you have come, the path you have walked to be who you are today.

    Rebel xox

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