You have to remember that I was a mature woman who needed to explore a new side of herself. At the same time though, the way I let this experience play out was scary, both at the time and looking back.
He booked the hotel so that I could easily arrive, go to the room and change. He had given me instructions about how to dress for him. Plus I had a good idea about how things might go.
Arriving at my destination, it was raining. There were no taxis and I needed my phone to help me find my way. I was half excited and half anxious as I walked to the hotel. What was I doing? Why was I here? When I arrived though and the room was booked and paid for those thoughts evaporated. Then S arrived and my positive feelings were confirmed. He agreed I should continue to get ready and head to the bar and then he would take over the room to shower etc.
Looking back this evening was indicative of how we would play out the whole relationship, in that we played a role, it was an act. I did my whole, middle aged woman in slutty clothes including stockings, suspenders and heels, well. He played whatever he was playing that night.
We both wanted and needed sex. Essentially that was what we got soon after we met – one drink, no food.
The sex was kinky – pretty much anything would have been for me then. He was dominant that night in a way I needed. I kneeled, I sucked, He took possession of me in a way I hadn’t known before. We also had anal sex – my first time.
Looking back I see this for the complete madness that this was. But at the time we serviced a need.
The following morning I was hungry but barely able to eat breakfast. I was late for the last day of my course and sat there, once I had arrived wondering what I had got myself in to.
I broke so many of the rules of safety when starting a relationship, but went with my gut. Steve and I saw a need in each other and satisfied it for quite a while. In the longer term there were lots of things wrong, but as preparation for my current relationship, I can’t complain.