On returning from holiday, where access to the internet was often limited and intermittent, I have spent time catching up. It has been great getting up to date with everyones blogs, commenting and writing a little. I have also been catching up with posts on Fetlife.
I have a love hate relationship with that place. It should be a great place to meet people and to see what they are up to, to discuss topics that are mutually interesting. But as with other social media it can be a tricky place. People aren’t always treated with respect in the way that they seem to be in our little blog world.
Anyway, the other day I did a bit of clicking from friends to photos and comments they had commented on and through the whole 6 degrees of separation thing found myself on the profile of someone living not so far from me. This person, friend of a friend of a friend (or whatever) says she is a submissive. Not a slave but a submissive. In her profile she goes into great detail about her wants and desires and about her limits. A very very long list of limits, hard and harder.
The person in question is a submissive and I know myself to be Master’s slave. But she does talk about wanting to feel controlled, but in a positive way. She talks of pain, but not as punishment and nothing too painful.
This has led me to think about my approach to this whole lifestyle and the fact that I have essentially given up control of what limits I had to another. what is more, it didn’t take me long to do so. There is more to it though, I am not sure that I ever sat down and worked out what those limits were. Part of that is not because I would do anything I was every told to do by just anyone, but because at my advanced age I have decided that it is time to explore my sexuality in a way I never even expected.
It would have been so easy to read other peoples blogs, books and fettle profiles. It would be easy to watch some pornography and look at photos and decide yuk that is not for me. Well, there are things I see and read I am not so sure about but I don’t discount anything without giving it a great deal of thought. But if I had created a long list of definitely won’t do I wouldn’t have experienced the things I have, or the things I might in the future. Instead I have decided to trust the man who is my Master.
It is after all the relationship that is the important thing here, since this isn’t about play. This is about real life and the experiences that make us what we are.
Perhaps the lady whose profile I encountered is really looking for a play partner, I don’t know. But what I do know is that if you don’t open your mind a little you will never fully know what your kinks really are or the extent of your limits. Plus you won’t understand the core of a D/s relationship – the power exchange, the trust that is necessary. For me at least that is what this is about.