Little made a comment on my last post, that I seem to be really happy. People at work have commented too on how much I smile these days. Master too observes my happiness, the way I smile and ‘look pleased’ with myself when I have made Him feel good. Sometimes too we just look at each other and smile. Now that is contentment.
I never expected this. I didn’t think I could feel the happiness I now do. For some reason I always half expect life to be a challenge, perhaps because whenever things are going well, there has always been something to bring you down to earth. Now though I am learning to live for now, to enjoy what I have and to believe that this is the way to live life.
The death of a parent is a profound experience in life I have discovered. It brings you face to face with your own mortality and reminds us that we are all here for quite a brief time. So, when you have the chance at 50 to pretty much start again, to live life in a different way. Perhaps you should grab those chances and not worry too much about the consequences.
Right now I have a job I enjoy. One which keeps me busy and is a challenge. But my attitude to work is not as it was. Yes, I am committed to it and to my employer when I am there, but it is not my whole life. My life outside of work is just as important, if not more so. Which perhaps is why I am happy when at work and equally so when at home or out with friends or family.
Master and I have settled into our lives together. We don’t live together and don’t plan to. We can be apart doing our own things but are there for each other if that is what is needed. But being together is really good and is something I look forward to. Whether we are playing, having reasonably straight sex, out for dinner, sitting watching a film, or as now sitting on the same sofa but engrossed in different Internet activities. Our forward planning is not years, but it is now weeks and months. This has to be healthy since neither of us know how we will feel about each other in a year or more. This life, right now is what we have and I think I can say that we are both pretty happy with that.