Don’t you just love blogger? Somehow this morning i wrote pretty much half a post and then suddenly it was gone – auto save apparently not working. So, no doubt this will turn out differently than i had been planning.
Life is feeling a little busy right now, so much so that i don’t seem to have had the time for blogging. Either that, or i am not giving my blog the time in my busy schedule that it deserves. Either way this is my first post in almost a week; unusual right now.
i am caught up in a whole whirl of family, work, and of course Graeme. At times it is hard to be able to sort out in my head where my priorities at any time lie. While i function as well as ever at work and definitely enjoy my job, it doesn’t mean as much to me as it used to. The redundancy experience last year was some of that, but also the feeling that there are more interesting things i could be doing instead. At the same time, while my family is very important, i don’t want to give them priority over other aspects of my life. Those areas where i can be myself.
Parts of the separate parts of my life have started to collide. My parents know about me seeing Graeme, since my sister in law (who i confided in) told my brother (as expected) and then who then ‘let it slip’ as it were. It is fine, but i did have to experience the third degree from my dad who loves to grill me in his direct way. My parents seem pleased for me, and want me to be happy, but are a little sad at the implication – my marriage really is over.
Then there is my son, who i am close to and who i have spent quite a bit of time with since he returned from university last summer. He met Graeme briefly on Saturday and i guess due to surprise / shock at seeing him in our house fled to his room like a teenager. Then he was faced with something of an unpleasant reality when Graeme stayed over on Saturday night and he and i were in bed until late Sunday morning. The way in which my son stormed out, was quite teen like for a 23 year old. He has been brought up to be friendly and courteous. He is well spoken and intelligent but obviously this encounter was too much. Nothing has been said yet, and i am waiting for him to make the approach. This is so obviously not what he wants to happen, but since i am making the decisions on my life at the moment, it is happening in this way.
Finally there is the time i am spending with Graeme. Right now, it feels that i would like more of it. What is more there are the different aspects of our lives that we are exploring. Getting to know each other generally, going out places together, chatting, laughing. Then there is the time in bed, getting to know each others bodies (perhaps we spent too long doing that Sunday?) And then there is the D/s element which we are discussing much more and are moving towards something that is a little more along the spectrum than i have previously experienced but which i am clear i am ready for.
If i think back just a few weeks, my life felt like it was forming into a rut again. Now, far from it. i am almost in a whirl from everything that is going on. Soon though i will have a few days away with Graeme for me to recenter and for us to consider this relationship with little outside interference.
I definitely need some time and space and then i will push forward with the next phase of my life. Year 3 of my journey is upon me and that year will, i think be a little different from the previous two.
I haven’t forgotten about Fiona’s question’s, and will answer them later. If there are any more i can answer them at the same time too…..