Advice to my 21 year old self

On my 21st birthday my parents and fiancé threw me a party. Attended by family and friends, we drank and danced into the night. I was young and carefree, though ready to face the responsibilities of adulthood. Later that year, I qualified as a nurse and by the time my 22nd birthday came around, I was married. The year was 1984, almost a lifetime ago.

In many ways, my life had gone to plan. There has been a successful career, a long marriage a child, a home that we almost own. But in other ways very different. I imagined that I would always care for patients at the bedside which has not been the case. That the marriage would be forever and that there would be more than one child. Friendships have not always lasted, decisions taken have proven not to be the best. Plus I now realise a happy, healthy sex life is far more important than I could ever have imagined.

I wonder then, if I could give my 21 year old self advice. What would that be.

Relationships 

If you are sure you are in love, then get married. Perhaps, wait a little longer. Live together, have fun, travel. You aren’t going to have your child for 7 years after all, so there was no hurry. Ignore the advice of your parents who didn’t like the idea of you living together before marriage.

Work at your relationship, don’t let it go as soon as the first problem occurs. But don’t allow yourself to be lied to in the way you will. If an excuse seems far fetched, it probably is. It isn’t normal to attend weddings and other functions alone because your husband says he is working away from home. He doesn’t have that kind of job, never did and never will do.

Don’t believe that you are to blame for his mistakes, his infidelity. The moment you realise you don’t love him, don’t want him any more, walk away.

Parenthood

You will be a good and caring mother, follow your instincts and all will be well. Put your child first, but remember that he will still be there if you walk away from the marriage. The child’s father is meant to share being the parent. You don’t have to be both mother and father.

Your son will always have you and he will always have his father. You don’t need to be married  to each other. There is little else advice to give other than always keep channels of communication open. Your son will always return when he needs you.

Friends and Family

Don’t put family before friends all of the time. A social life involving  parents, brothers, their wives and children is a wonderful thing. But when times change and marriages begin to fail, you could end up with very little social life. Invest time in those friends willing to give time to you. Accept that not all friendships last the course and family members do lie. Don’t be frightened of your mother, her bark is worse than her bite.

Work

Enjoy your time as a nurse. Don’t be afraid to change jobs. Believe in yourself. When the patients start to get you down try something new. Don’t fear a job in management, the pay and the hours are better. Never regret moving on and do so when you no longer enjoy what you are doing. Make friends, but accept that they work friends may be transient. Take any opportunity for further education and training and use it to your advantage.

Lovers

Recognise that being loved is important. Never forget that you need to be held, protected and touched. If the man you are partnered to does not turn you on then the relationship is wrong. Don’t fear being alone, you will meet the right person for you. Embrace the sexual feelings you have. Don’t be afraid to go in search and to try new sexual experiences. Preferably leave one relationship before embarking on the next. Infidelity invariably ends in tears and in the main they will be yours.

Trust your instincts and do be prepared to take a risk. If a sexual experience feels right, then it probably is. But take care. Try not to put yourself in danger. Learn about safe calls. You might not need them but it’s a good idea to be prepared.

When you meet the right man, you will know. One day you will be happier than you ever imagined you could be.

Life

By all means look back on what you have done, where you have been and who with. Remember and reflect, but never regret. When possible look forward and enjoy. Life to be embraced, enjoyed and lived.
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Dreaming of summer

It’s a cold, grey Sunday in my part of England. One of the things I hate most about wintertime is the lack of sunlight. I can manage cold, I’ll even cope with a small amount of snow. But what I need is to see the sun. I long for a beautiful blue sky, a shiny yellow ball of bright light, wispy clouds. If only we had more bright sunny days.

Mind you I also miss the warmth of the sun in spring and summer. I miss the opportunity to wander around naked outside. Mind you, it helps if you are somewhere with a great view, a place like this.

A spanish view
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First experience

I was nearly 50 before I had my first experience. Of sex with a man other than my husband and of anal sex. We had known each other just a few weeks and had met just the once. In a probably not to be recommended encounter, I met, had sex and slept the night with a man I had only chatted to online and by phone. But things went well, we got on well together. Enjoyed each others company as well as lusting after each other. What is more, the sex was better than anything I had experienced in a long time. Perhaps ever.

A couple of weeks later I went back for more. This time I travelled to his place. I sucked him, he fucked me senseless and then we had anal sex. He knew I was an anal virgin and I knew that he wanted to take that particular cherry. We had discussed my willingness to have anal at length and I had trained myself for those couple of weeks with a butt plug.

My only experience of anal sex before meeting S was in some of the kinky books I read. Generally the dominant man considered taking his submissive girl’s arse as the ultimate prize. Perhaps the same was true of S. While I in turn wanted to give it a try, to learn and experience new things.

He was clearly experienced and led me gently through the build up to the main event. He attended to my orgasm needs, stroked me, kissed me and made me feel like I needed to feel his cock in that forbidden place. Any pain I felt on that day (and I am sure it did hurt a little) pales into insignificance when I consider the lasting benefits. That first experience helped me see the intimacy that can come from anal sex. The trust that is needed so that I could relax enough for him to find his way inside that most secret of places. Then the resulting orgasm that seemed in some way different from any other.

That first experience probably paved the way for me to become the submissive I am now. S and I continued to have great sex and for him that tended to include anal. I enjoyed it and complied. But there were problems with the relationship, mainly that we wanted and needed different things. Looking back sex with S was predictable, starting with  me on my knees sucking him and some time later (hours or the next day) with anal.

I don’t suppose any partner wants to think of their lover having sex with an ex. But Master says that he is grateful to S for teaching me about anal. It meant I was ready, able and willing soon after we met. For us anal is something very special. It brings out the slut, the bitch in me. It is dirty and forbidden but it feels the most intimate of sexual acts. We don’t do it often, indeed we haven’t in some time. But when we do it is one of the ways in which Master expresses his ownership of me, his slave.

This post is cross linked to Wicked Wednesday for the prompt ‘The Ex’ and to Kink of the Week for the prompt ‘Anal Sex’.

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Love Glider

For this week’s Wicked Wednesday, I wrote about an early encounter of Master and His gadgets. At the end of the post I showed a picture of the latest addition to our selection of toys; the Love Glider Fuck Machine. This was a birthday present to me from Master. At the time, I kind of wanted something I could show off to others and probably wasn’t as appreciative as I could have been. Over the months, opportunities to try it out have been few. It isn’t the most portable thing and lives in Master’s playroom. But we have been away on a couple of trips, including one for two weeks and also spent many weekends at my place. Last weekend though, over the new year break, I stayed at Masters. I gave it another try and so here are my thoughts.

About the Love Glider

The product information describes it as a Manual Rocker Sex Machine. The base is made of wood and there is a padded seat for comfort. The machine comes with two dildos, one that is tapered and one that is bigger and ribbed. There are no leads or plugs, it is the movement of your hips that propels the dildo in and out.

The Love Glider

How to use it

Positioning yourself over the padded seat, ease down onto the dildo and then make yourself comfortable. The handle helps you to get into a rhythm, allowing the dildo to move in and out as you propel forwards and backwards. This toy can be used for both anal and vaginal sex. I have used it for both and to be honest (anal is perhaps best).

Having fun on the Love Glider

Since this is for my use only, we didn’t immediately put a condom on the dildo, but recent issues with rubber and latex made that a mistake. The dildo gave me a burning feeling in my cunt, so we rectified that. Immediately though being penetrated by the dildo made me really wet. Being impaled enabled me to grind down a little and to get some clitical stimulation. Master loves to watch me as I move on the machine. It offers an ideal opportunity for him to touch the rest of my body and to stand over me while I take his cock in my mouth and provide service to him. I haven’t tried this particular machine anally, but did so with the one we used at the Secret Dungeon and so know how it feels.

This rather expensive machine (it is cheaper on Amazon), needs to be used more often. This year should provide the opportunity as I will be spending more time at Master’s house. Not only weekends, but hopefully at last moving in. Watch this space, because I intend there to be a Sinful Sunday shot soon with me impaled and using the Love Glider.

 

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A bath a day

This month’s Sinful Sunday prompt is about things we do regularly or as a routine. I love to take a bath, but in the main don’t have the time for a bath a day. Over the past month though, there have been many times we have been able take a bath much more often. We are lucky that Master had a jacuzzi bath fitted last year which has helped. Last month in Amsterdam we had this lovely bath in our hotel room, it is just a bit bigger that the one at home. And so gives more room for relaxing, sipping champagne and getting clean (or dirty depending on your point of view). A bath a day would be nice, but all the more enjoyable when you take advantage when you can.

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Gadget man

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday was Master. Following our second play date in February 2014  I called him gadget man.

I kneeled, restrained, legs in a spreader bar, arms spread too, wrists in cuffs, attached to a chain that passed under the bed. Blindfolded. A vibrating dildo in my ass. All I could hear was my new Dom moving around, opening boxes and cupboards. The anticipation was almost as overwhelming as the resulting pain and pleasure. There were things that vibrated, things inserted inside me and there were things he hit me with. The impact toys were also used to apply different sensations, as he stroked me with the flogger. He tapped me with a cane, applied pegs to my labia, clamps to my tits and then used that powerful vibrator on me and brought me to orgasm. Many, many times.

Then after all of that, he fucked me. Took me and possessed me, probably owned me from that day. The experience was overwhelming, something special for us both. But what I remembered most afterwards was the range of toys. Sex and impact gadgets I never knew people even possessed in their homes. For a while I called him Gadget Man. Not long afterwards of course he became Sir and then Master. Still though I think of him and his gadgets. He is definitely my gadget man still.

This is his latest gadget. Something I am still getting used to!

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Hello 2018

Another year has arrived and an old one is in the past. Time to look forward to 2018. I hope and even believe this will be a good one. The external preoccupations remain (politics, prejudice, censorship) and can’t be entirely ignored. But but what better day than New Year’s day to look forward with positivity.

Writing and blogging

Recently I have spent almost as much time complaining that I haven’t written anything as actually doing it. So enough of that. I plan to participate and just try to write stuff. If it is any good, then people will say and if it isn’t then I will know. Either way, I will get my thoughts out there. Plus I will have taken part in various memes and other projects. Once this post is done and out there, I will sign up for the Smut Marathon and see where (if anywhere) that takes me. I decided I can’t just be Julie, can’t use my own name (too rare) and so will be known as Julie Jones for writing purposes. Not creative but since I am not Beyonce and Adele it is time to have two names.

The deadline date for the Eroticon Anthology has been extended, so there is no excuse for me not to get something written this week.

This year I have decided to participate in the 365 photo project. Yesterday when I probably should have been writing I was instead setting up a sub domain. At the moment I plan to use some photos I have taken over the past year or two and really like. But very soon I will be out and about taking some  shots of life as it happens. This will give me the chance to post some of the photos I take which aren’t sex or kink related. In exchange I have made the decision not to take part in February Photofest this year. I want to take the pressure off of myself and actually write more.

Family and home

As I have mentioned, my mum is due to move house on 12th – 11 days time! This next few weeks is going to be incredibly busy and then hopefully will calm down. At present she is struggling to de-clutter and wants to take everything with her. She has a lot of stuff, much of it unused in a long time. She has wardrobes of clothes, too much furniture and a huge kitchen of gadgets and stuff. Moving is a stressful time and for her, widowed 3 years ago, it is a huge step. It is also stressful for me since the bulk of the organising and doing is falling to me. One brother is busy working (he is a supermarket manager and this is the busiest time of the year). The other is lazy and so far has done another to help. The end is in sight though and I look forward to that.

Next will be my house. This really will be the year to sell and move on. Big changes afoot for Master and I then. Once that is done I can think about work and what I want to do about it. I enjoy my job less and less and I am ready for a rest and a change.

Travel

We love to visit places, for weekends and holidays. 2018 will hopefully see us doing just that. Yesterday we booked a trip to Seville in April for the Feria that takes place every year. Next we will begin to think about a summer holiday,  perhaps to Slovenia. I haven’t experienced any of Eastern Europe, so that would be new and exciting. We will need to travel to France a couple of times and hopefully a few other weekend breaks will happen.

Our relationship

This holiday time we have been discussing the things needed in our relationship. More time for us and concentrating a bit more on the dynamic of Master and slave. We want more time to play, some of it at home and some of it outside. Last year we attended a couple of events and this year we want to raise our game. Go to more events and clubs and to play there. Master is again talking about marking me, something I do want but we haven’t got around to. He also wants to reinforce the power exchange in our relationship much more.

In a few weeks it will be our 4th anniversary. I never imagined then that we would still be together in 2018 and now can’t imagine being apart. I want this year to be the one where we can stop needing to Skype 3 or 4 nights a week.

So 2018 is here and there is lots to look forward to. Of course there will be challenges, and outside influences will sometimes get in the way.

Today, though I face the coming year with positivity.

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Wintertime

There is something romantic about the idea of winter. Beautiful crisp days, the sun reflected off of the white of the snow. Evenings sat by the fire cozy in your pullover and socks. Enjoying a wonderful casserole or stew, proper comfort food.

In reality winter round here is mainly just plain grey. Sometimes it is cold and you get dressed up in your scarf, hat and boots. Then a few hours later the temperature is pushing 15c. Maybe it is raining and you reach for your brolly, only to find the wind has blown up and your umbrella blows inside out. Rarely it snows, looks beautiful but is cold, wet and difficult to get about in. The snow freezes over night and you find yourself skating about in your regular shoes or boots. The car windscreen frozen. The trains delayed due to snow and ice.

This has been the weather here over the past couple of weeks. Snow, frost, greyness, rain, wind. Cold, mild, cold again, mild and so on. This is why I hate winter. The only thing that you can predict is that it won’t be light until 8am and low and behold it is dark by 4pm. In between anything can happen. Often it does.

I hate the short days. The way the central heating dries out your skin. I love to sit by a fire (not that I have one). But if you sit too close you are too hot and too far away too cold. I hate the lack of energy I have at this time of year. I hate the way that bed feels like a lovely warm place to sleep, but not much else. I long for summer and now the equinox has passed will be looking for signs of longer days. Of spring flowers and of a sign of new life.

Winter sounds fine in theory, but the reality is something else.

A snowy evening in Amsterdam. Looks pretty but cold, wet and treacherous to navigate.

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Ghostly image

 

Late last night as I dried myself following a wonderful jacuzzi bath, I noticed something interesting. The lighting in the bathroom provides wonderful ghostly images reflected on the shower cubicle.

Who’s ghostly image can I see?  Why, it’s me!

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Review of 2017 and Recommendations for 2018 (part 2)

Yesterday I posted part one of this review for Wicked Wednesday and linked to a number of the bloggers and sites that have helped and influenced me this year. Today, part 2.

July

The creativity I managed to find for blogging this month was double that of last. Sadly this is not saying very much as there were just 4 posts. On 10th I expressed some of the reasons for the drought (holiday, work and meme overload). If I have learned one thing this year, it is not to over think and force the issue. The blog won’t disappear (even if readers do) and quality really is much more important than quantity.

Sinful Sunday has been a constant and Master is now involved in the photos, both as photographer and subject. This post might be one of my favourites so far and I am proud to have been named amongst the top 5 participants for this shot. The joy of mirrors!

August

During much of the first half of the year our sex life and M/s relationship was dormant. The two are inextricably linked, as although we are always Master and slave it is most evident in the bedroom. Master’s shoulder problems, evident last year re-emerged. And at the same time we both found our libido low. As I emerge from the menopause I am struggling to find my sexual mojo. My body looks and feels different and I often feel tired.   On 6th August, my 55th birthday I posted of a change to that situation. Another Sinful Sunday on 27th demonstrated the measures Master has taken to help us overcome our difficulties. The sex swing in action!

September

Another first, when we attended a Clothed Male, naked female event. I wrote about my feelings about being naked in a venue of other naked women and clothed Men. This was really my first experience of D/s protocol of this kind. Sadly I wasn’t well that day and so we couldn’t play. But it was an amazing experience. I met new people as well as meeting up with  some that we do know. Perhaps then a good opportunity to mention Sub Bee (who was also at the event and is a regular). We first met at a local munch and while I don’t know Bee and her partner well we also met at Eroticon. If you are not familiar with Sub Bee’s blog you should take a look. She writes candidly about her relationship, bisexuality and other topics as well as posting some fantastic images.

October

Elust features the best of sex blogging and is published each month by Molly.  Bloggers and writers are invited to submit the best of their material which is then peer reviewed by an army of willing volunteers. While there are winners, there are no losers as everyone that submits a valid entry is published. Everyone then republishes, which means that it can reach far and wide within the kink community. My own blogging drought this year means I haven’t submitted many posts, but in October I did  – to Elust 99.

The feature photo is from Exhibit Unadorned and features a bunch of bloggers having fun. This gives me the opportunity to mention his Exhibit A blog as well as that of his wife The Other Livvy. Both blogs are worth a visit, but be warned they are excellent and talented writers and photographers. So you may be there for sometime! They are newlyweds and seem like amazingly fun people. I saw them at Eroticon but we didn’t speak. I hope this will change next year.

November

There has been many a time over the past few years, when short of inspiration, I have turned to TMI Tuesday. Usually this involves a few questions on a sexy or kinky topic to write as little or as much as you feel able. On 7th November though, there was something different. We were given the words: Dragging, Kitchen, Bedroom, Sofa, Albert Einstein, Closer, Eggbeater, Olive oil, Eight and Rain and asked to create a story. There is very little fiction on my blog. It takes more head space than I can usually muster. But for once I embraced the challenge rather than moving on. I am quite proud of this post and need to do more.

Increasingly mainstream social and other media as well as government seems to be trying to reduce freedom of expression. Especially in the sex writing and blogging community. Using the protection of minors as an excuse they are attempting to gag and blog the things we say and show. On 18th November I took part in my first Share our Shit Saturday. In 2018 I intend to focus much more on doing just that!

December

Earlier in December we attended a febsub event at the same club that the CMnf one is held. Held on 3rd, it helped me get into an early Christmassy mood. The theme was pantomime, but since I have always wanted a santa type costume I chose the latter. I was very pleased with the result, as was Master and many others.

I mentioned in part 1 that Master had a new bathroom installed this year. The jacuzzi bath has been an amazing and wonderful source of late night relaxation and enjoyment. Something I highly recommend!

In some ways this has been a lean blogging year for me. But I am proud that I have kept going. Have posed every month and have kept true to myself and our relationship. There are lots of challenges ahead for us as a couple (more of that to come in the next few days). But also many opportunities for me as a blogger.

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